Thursday, July 30, 2009

Becoming the Other Woman.

Nice cliffhanger? hehe. I'm not much of a storyteller but was proud of myself for finally finding a stopping place to end my "introduction."

So, before I go any further, let me just say I'm not putting BabyMama down because she has depression. That's just not who I am. But as I get into the story further, maybe you'll have more insight as to why I speak so condescendingly of her.

The weekend. Sigh.

BabyDaddy came up to visit me and neither of us had any intentions. He needed a place to get away and so he was going to go camping in my neck of the woods. I told him, "It's January, and you will FREEZE to death!" So he stayed with me. My dog (who was my baby) instantly loved him. And this was no small feat. She was very skittish and not fond of men at all. But she parked her butt next to him on the couch and layed next to him until I had to move her so he could get up. It was the first part of January, so I still had my Christmas decor up. I was a college student and lived in a small one bedroom apartment. I had the Christmas tree lit, candles were burning, and Norah Jones playing in the background. Now, before you think I'm trying to seduce him... this was BEFORE Norah Jones won all of her awards and became super mainstream. A friend of mine had introduced me to her music and I was smitten. So I played it to relax. And he needed that too. He sat on my couch and cried, talked, and talked, and talked...and then he just looked at me and said, "Thank you. I've forgotten who I am. I know I'm a father, a son, a brother, etc. but there is still a ME inside of all of that." I couldn't understand really because I had no kids. I just listened.

We were best friends that weekend. And yes, we slept together. It's not something we planned. And it was certainly not "like me" to do that. I mean, I had only been with 2 others. One was my first really serious boyfriend (I was 23, so cut me some slack) and the other was a guy I'd had a mad crush on since I moved to CollegeTown. We had a "casual sex" relationship and I found myself no longer attracted to him. I guess I wanted to be "wild" just once and see what the fuss was about. But I digress.

Anyway, here is some TMI.

BEST.SEX. EVER!!!!!! And nothing weird or strange or gross. I guess it was the emotions. He felt so free and happy. And he needed that.

The craziest part was that when he left that weekend, I felt no loss or sadness. I'm a very analytical type that overanalyzes everything and then I'm so self-conscious about things I've said or done. But I wasn't that weekend. And I wasn't when he left. I didn't feel like I had prostituted myself out either. Happiness was all that was there.

Over the next few weeks, we talked online and sometimes over the phone. He was up at odd hours because BabyBoy would wake up and need to be changed, fed, etc. And I was up because I was a student and I had to do a lot of my homework on the computer. I'd just have my instant messenger turned on too.

He told me one night he couldn't keep a smile off of his face. He just went on to tell me how happy he was and how I made him feel human again. We exchanged emails and began making trips to see each other. BabyMama was oblivious because she was busy chatting online and ignoring BabyDaddy and BabyBoy. So we decided we were going to try this dating thing.

How, you ask? Well, yes... he was still living with BabyMama and BabyBoy but he wanted out. And not because of me. He had wanted out long before. So he started making plans to move out on his own. He knew there would be custody issues so he moved to our original hometown and got a 2 bedroom apartment. He got BabyBoy only when BabyMama felt like it, which wasn't often, so BabyDaddy filed for custody. Of course, BabyDaddies don't get custody in Podunk, USA. There is a "standard custody agreement" where the BabyMama gets custody, the BabyDaddy has to pay child support, provide ALL medical and dental insurance, and pay half of the incurred expenses (co-pays, medication, etc.). And BabyDaddy gets BabyBoy every other weekend and for a few hours one night a week. Is this fair? NO. But he has no choice. Oh, and then he had to pay BabyMama's legal fees. WTF?!

So BabyDaddy is just relieved to finally be away from BabyMama. As he told her, "My hatred for you is getting in the way of my love for my son." She was so pissed. Of course she was going to make it hell on BabyDaddy. She blamed HIM for everything. Nevermind that she would never take out the trash and when he would come home, trash would be overflowing onto the floor, dishes with food left in them all over the house and in the kitchen, etc. BabyDaddy was working THREE jobs to get diapers & formula, pay bills, etc. while she sat on her fat, nasty, lazy ass and did nothing all day. And although I only saw a small piece of this, outsiders saw it and confirmed it to me. It was awful.

BabyDaddy was now living on his own making just enough money to pay his rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, and had a whopping $6 a month left over for groceries.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Hi. My name is Constance. Well, not really, but in this blog it will be. I have many stories to tell but cannot tell them unless under a shroud of anonymity. So here I am. And now I can unleash all the stories of love, hate, and secrecy that I want. I feel better already!

Let me start off with the reason for beginning this blog. It will be a very long story, with lots of twists and turns, and play by play action. Okay, seriously, I will start at the beginning and lead you down the path I have chosen. I am not the best storyteller, as I tend to jump around a lot, but I'll try to keep it coherent. So, without further ado, here it goes...

The bane of my existence is my stepson's "mother." I use that term loosely. She and my husband dated for three months when she got pregnant. She was 18, he was 26. Before you say it, I know. Really, I know. He should be kicked in the head for dating someone who was barely legal. And when you don't keep your pants on, you can get someone/yourself knocked up. And then you have to deal with that person for at the very minimum the next 18 years.

So, she got pregnant. She panicked and ran to BabyDaddy. He had grown up with nieces and nephews so he was great with kids. He said, "Well, DON'T have an abortion! We'll take care of this baby." I'm sure her parents were less than thrilled with BabyMama because she was in her first year of college (on an academic scholarship) and now she was knocked up. This was not her first rodeo, however, because BabyDaddy learned BabyMama had already had an abortion from a previous relationship.

They decided to rent a house together and "do the right thing." BabyDaddy was working three jobs and BabyMama was going to school. BabyMama had enough scholarship money to pay her portion of the bills so things looked promising.

Until pregnancy hormones kicked in. And the bitch came out.

BabyMama's family has a history of severe depression and her father was medically forced to retire because of it. BabyMama (can I call her BM from now on? And it seems oddly appropriate, considering I think she is a total piece of SHIT. heh.) .. or BM, turned into a nasty, raging bitch. BabyDaddy (we'll call BD... no funny sidenotes on that), or BD, has a temper so he didn't take it too well... but don't get me wrong, he's not physically violent. When he gets mad, he bitches and gripes, then will just LEAVE. So, lots of arguments ensued. And finally they just ignored each other. BabyBoy (BB) was born and BD was happy. BM was miserable and bitchy. BD convinced BM to go to a doctor for post partum depression. She went and was given medication. She took it the first month off and on and then never refilled it. BD was irritated but had his hands full taking care of BB. BD got up with BB, changed his diapers, rocked him to sleep, did all the things BM should've been doing but could care less about. I realize this had a lot to do with her depression, but BD was working 3 jobs and BM was out of school for the summer with no job and needed to step up at some point. Days would go by without her even stepping foot into BB's bedroom. She enjoyed getting on the computer and chatting in online chat rooms and IMs.

******Backtrack for a moment: ******

I have been friends with BD for years before this all occured. He and I talked a lot and I remember when his mother passed away and how he was distant, then his best friend died, and his other best friend quit talking to him when he began dating BM because she couldn't stand BM. He grew up in my hometown and is 2 years older than me. We lived down the street from each other and met soon thereafter through a mutual friend. I was smitten. He was very pretty and popular. (I say pretty because he WAS. But in a boy sense, not a girly way.) I was nowhere near the type he dated, which was Barbie-esque. I was average looking and thin/petite, but not into the tons of makeup and whatnot. He was nice, though. And I used to jog past his house everyday, despite having to jog UPHILL to do so.

I graduated and went to college and he moved out of state. I went to a college a few hours away and we reconnected via online chat room on AOL. Yes, corny, but that was "the thing" back then. We were never flirty, just friends. I was excited when I met a non-Barbie girlfriend and she was, in his words, "just like me, except with boobs." (Classy, I know.) She had a daughter and he was great with her. We all played tennis together one day at a local park for fun. I was so sad when they broke up. Now that I look back on it, it was meant to happen because you cannot have two stubborn, hard headed people date. It just won't work.

He eventually began dating BM a few years later. And that's where I'll pick back up where I left off.

During the next 6 months, BM wouldn't even look at BB and BD would confront her and say, "You need to spend time with your son!" Once, she screamed and ended up punching a hole in the wall. Then she was going to "take BB away" to her parents and BD wouldn't let her in BB's room, for fear of her driving like a maniac and getting in a wreck. Not long after that, they had had an argument, and she took BB to her parents' house and called BD and said, "I'll take him away from you and you'll never see him again!" This made BD's heart stop. He called me sobbing, saying, "He's my heart and soul. She can't do that to me!" I felt so awful for him.

Not long after that, they had a big argument and he just needed a break. He was so done. As he put it, "My hatred for her was getting in the way of the love for my son." So he decided he would move out. He needed to find a way to save up enough to do so since she had already stopped paying her half of the bills and he was fighting every month to keep the gas and electric companies from shutting off service. He was paying every single bill and was beyond exhausted. BM refused to take antidepressants (she wasn't breastfeeding), she was verbally abusive, wouldn't clean up after herself (BD took photos to show how bad things had gotten. It was AWFUL.), and she was a nightmare to share a house with. So after 6 months, he came to visit me to just get away for the weekend.

That weekend changed our lives.