Thursday, July 30, 2009

Becoming the Other Woman.

Nice cliffhanger? hehe. I'm not much of a storyteller but was proud of myself for finally finding a stopping place to end my "introduction."

So, before I go any further, let me just say I'm not putting BabyMama down because she has depression. That's just not who I am. But as I get into the story further, maybe you'll have more insight as to why I speak so condescendingly of her.

The weekend. Sigh.

BabyDaddy came up to visit me and neither of us had any intentions. He needed a place to get away and so he was going to go camping in my neck of the woods. I told him, "It's January, and you will FREEZE to death!" So he stayed with me. My dog (who was my baby) instantly loved him. And this was no small feat. She was very skittish and not fond of men at all. But she parked her butt next to him on the couch and layed next to him until I had to move her so he could get up. It was the first part of January, so I still had my Christmas decor up. I was a college student and lived in a small one bedroom apartment. I had the Christmas tree lit, candles were burning, and Norah Jones playing in the background. Now, before you think I'm trying to seduce him... this was BEFORE Norah Jones won all of her awards and became super mainstream. A friend of mine had introduced me to her music and I was smitten. So I played it to relax. And he needed that too. He sat on my couch and cried, talked, and talked, and talked...and then he just looked at me and said, "Thank you. I've forgotten who I am. I know I'm a father, a son, a brother, etc. but there is still a ME inside of all of that." I couldn't understand really because I had no kids. I just listened.

We were best friends that weekend. And yes, we slept together. It's not something we planned. And it was certainly not "like me" to do that. I mean, I had only been with 2 others. One was my first really serious boyfriend (I was 23, so cut me some slack) and the other was a guy I'd had a mad crush on since I moved to CollegeTown. We had a "casual sex" relationship and I found myself no longer attracted to him. I guess I wanted to be "wild" just once and see what the fuss was about. But I digress.

Anyway, here is some TMI.

BEST.SEX. EVER!!!!!! And nothing weird or strange or gross. I guess it was the emotions. He felt so free and happy. And he needed that.

The craziest part was that when he left that weekend, I felt no loss or sadness. I'm a very analytical type that overanalyzes everything and then I'm so self-conscious about things I've said or done. But I wasn't that weekend. And I wasn't when he left. I didn't feel like I had prostituted myself out either. Happiness was all that was there.

Over the next few weeks, we talked online and sometimes over the phone. He was up at odd hours because BabyBoy would wake up and need to be changed, fed, etc. And I was up because I was a student and I had to do a lot of my homework on the computer. I'd just have my instant messenger turned on too.

He told me one night he couldn't keep a smile off of his face. He just went on to tell me how happy he was and how I made him feel human again. We exchanged emails and began making trips to see each other. BabyMama was oblivious because she was busy chatting online and ignoring BabyDaddy and BabyBoy. So we decided we were going to try this dating thing.

How, you ask? Well, yes... he was still living with BabyMama and BabyBoy but he wanted out. And not because of me. He had wanted out long before. So he started making plans to move out on his own. He knew there would be custody issues so he moved to our original hometown and got a 2 bedroom apartment. He got BabyBoy only when BabyMama felt like it, which wasn't often, so BabyDaddy filed for custody. Of course, BabyDaddies don't get custody in Podunk, USA. There is a "standard custody agreement" where the BabyMama gets custody, the BabyDaddy has to pay child support, provide ALL medical and dental insurance, and pay half of the incurred expenses (co-pays, medication, etc.). And BabyDaddy gets BabyBoy every other weekend and for a few hours one night a week. Is this fair? NO. But he has no choice. Oh, and then he had to pay BabyMama's legal fees. WTF?!

So BabyDaddy is just relieved to finally be away from BabyMama. As he told her, "My hatred for you is getting in the way of my love for my son." She was so pissed. Of course she was going to make it hell on BabyDaddy. She blamed HIM for everything. Nevermind that she would never take out the trash and when he would come home, trash would be overflowing onto the floor, dishes with food left in them all over the house and in the kitchen, etc. BabyDaddy was working THREE jobs to get diapers & formula, pay bills, etc. while she sat on her fat, nasty, lazy ass and did nothing all day. And although I only saw a small piece of this, outsiders saw it and confirmed it to me. It was awful.

BabyDaddy was now living on his own making just enough money to pay his rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, and had a whopping $6 a month left over for groceries.


Jeninacide said...

OMG! That sounds awful- I mean not the part about you guys hooking up- that sounds awesome! The part about BabyMama being a lazy, neglectful, excuse for a human being. Disgusting.

Christy said...

Holy crap. What an awful situation.

MarvelousMOM said...

Not good at all!!!! Ugh BM is a complete psycho bitch!! I have to say I can relate to A LOT of this...