Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The follow up visit scheduled is for the SW to talk to Kiddo alone. She wants to see how he feels about everything. So Beast takes him, but doesn't prepare him for it so when she tries to leave, Kiddos freaks out and starts crying saying that he is scared. So Beast stays in the room. Very counterproductive. Wasted visit. So when we had Kiddo again, both Husby and I talked to him and told him that the SW wanted to know what was on his mind and how he felt without anyone else in the room so he wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. Kiddo is very sensitive and is afraid of hurting your feelings, so he won't say anything that he thinks will hurt Beast's feelings in front of her.
So that next visit, I show up. Beast is NOT happy about this. Husby couldn't make the appt because she made it the ONE day of the week that she could be there and Husby could not. So I made a surprise visit. And then I pissed her off. :)
So while we are waiting on the SW to call Kiddo back, Beast isn't even looking at me. She will NOT make eye contact. When I walked in, she was glaring at kiddo and he was cowering in his chair. When she saw me come in, she immediately changed her demeanor and then started playing with Kiddo. She tickled him, getting him to laugh so I would think she loved and cared about him. Whatever. I know better.
While kiddo went back to see the SW alone, I waited quietly across from Beast and she picked up the magazine "Parenting." I texted this to a good friend of mine who knows the situation VERY well and she said, "That's like you picking up a magazine on 'How to Be a Wh ore." I laughed out loud on that and was trying to contain my giggles. We got called back to talk to the SW with kiddo in the room and she said that she asked him what made him happy, what made him sad, and what scared him. The happy things were playing the xbox with his mommy, several foods (he was obviously hungry bc the Beast hadn't fed him before the appt. he's always STARVING after school like every kid I know), and then he pointed and smiled at me. He wasn't asked to elaborate. What made him sad was that he missed his Daddy, me, and his baby sister (my daughter) . What scared him were spiders, sharks, etc. He said he was worried about his mommy's safety when he was at his Daddy's house. So the SW asked Beast to tell him what she did to "stay safe" when kiddo was at our house. (Kiddo has NEVER mentioned this to us and he never wants to go back to her house. He cries and wants to stay with us. ) She said, "Awww, kiddo I am safe. I don't stay out late, I lock my doors and windows, and I have a phone to call 911 if something bad did happen." So she's acting all oohey gooey over this and the social worker asks me what I think about Kiddo's answers.
I told her, "Well, I think every kid has the same fears. I know I did when I had to go back and forth between parents. However, I do think I have an idea why he worries about her. He has mentioned to his Daddy and me that he is scared of her frequent overnight visitors. " Beast immediately shot up in her seat and the smile dropped off her face. Her hands started shaking and she was glaring at the SW. The SW looked visibly uncomfortable and looked at Beast and said, "Um, is this something we need to talk about with Kiddo in the room, or should we let him play in the waiting room?" Beast snapped, "I think he needs to be in the waiting room. He doesn't need to hear this." So Kiddo was sent out front and there was a LOT of tension in the room with just Beast and me left in the room. When SW returned, I said, "Kiddo has said that he is uncomfortable with her new boyfriend spending the night. He doesn't know him and he is scared when he spends the night." The SW looked shocked at my revelation and she tried to compose herself before saying, "Beast, you need to talk to kiddo about this.... if you want to." Beast's reply through clenched teeth, "He spent the night ONCE. And it was on the couch. We had come back from my mom's house and it was 2am. I didn't want him driving back to his house which was another 30 minutes away."
So, what happened to not staying out late?? And does it matter if you lock your doors when the perpetrator is INSIDE the house with you??? And this wasn't a "one time" deal, either. She has had SEVERAL boyfriends who have spent the night with her. When I brought it up to her before, she laughed and said, "Kiddo has a big mouth!" Not exactly the response I was looking for, but that's just her. Have I mentioned that she just met this guy online a week prior? Hm. Well, yeah, she met him online and went out on 3 dates with him in one week. Then he spends the night.
Did I mention that she's done this before? No. I didn't say anything else. I did enough damage.
So after it was all over, the SW said she would like to do a test on Kiddo to see if he's ADD/ADHD. She wants to see how kiddo is doing before then so Beast makes a return appt. I stand over her and say, "Please make sure it's on a Tue/Thu so Husby can attend." Beast barks this to the receptionist and then storms out of the building. I had to ask her twice when the appt was as she fled the building. The SW walked out to me at my car and gave me a form she'd like the teacher to fill out. I talked to her for a few moments and she said, "This is common, when parents don't agree on parenting styles." Pshaw. WTF ever, lady.
A couple of hours later, guess who she brings to Kiddo's soccer practice. Yep, that guy Kiddo is uncomfortable being around. She just. doesn't. get. it.
So, a few days later I'm all nicey nice and apologize for bringing it up to the social worker, blah blah blah. I kiss her butt and she's better. She isn't as forthcoming with info, but she's still telling me about New Dude. Well, ND is now unemployed, recently divorced, and has a 2 year old he doesn't get to see very often.
A couple of weeks later, Beast texts Husby and says, "Kiddo had a bad night. Don't come to the social work appointment today if you are going to point blame and if you can't be supportive. Constance doesn't need to be there because Kiddo is our son. Not hers, mine, and yours." So Husby tries to call her and she texts back, "He is sitting here next to me, so I am not going to have this convo right now." So Husby looks at his watch and Kiddo should be at school. he said, "If it's bad enough that you are keeping him out of school, then you need to have him go play in another room and call me." She never responded.
So we both show up at the counseling appointment, wondering what was wrong with Kiddo. I was going to keep my mouth shut, as was Husby, to see what was wrong. Beast was angry as soon as she saw us. When the SW called Kiddo back, Beast snarled to us, "You two can just stay out here!" We ignored her and tried to go back. The SW smiled and then Beast stood in front of her and said, "I don't want them to come back here. As Kiddo's custodial parent, I think I have that right." The SW looked surprised and very uncomfortable. We looked at her and she said, "I'm sorry. I have to abide by her wishes." I said, "So, he isn't allowed back there as Kiddo's father?? Can we just talk to you after you speak with them?" She said, "No, she has custody. She makes the call. And no, I can't talk to you without Beast present. We really need to all be together to discuss Kiddo." So Husby says, "If we're all supposed to be together, then why can't we go back there??" SW said, "Sorry, this is just really uncomfortable. She has custody." So Husby and I left and went straight to our lawyer's office. We made an appt to speak with her the following week.
Later that evening, I was still so angry... I texted Beast and said, "You are such a coward." Of course, no response. But it felt good to send.
We didn't hear anything else until the following visitation day. Kiddo told us that he woke up crying that morning because he was sad. He said he doesn't feel special at Beast's house because she never spends time with him. He said that he gets bored and misses all of us. THAT'S why she didn't want us to go back. She kept him out of school that day because his leg hurt. Yes, she kept him out for that. Does anyone remember growing pains? I do. My legs ached too. But I went to school.
A few days later, she texts Husby and says that Kiddo is running a fever. I texted her and asked how he was doing. She told me the symptoms and I said it sounded like the flu. I gave her my PCP's number and said that if she couldn't get him in to see his PCP, then she would see him that day. Kids are priority at my PCP's office. She said, "I had an appt for him which is unusual." So I said, "Why is that unusual?" She said, "I can never get an appointment with them the same day. I can't stand that clinic." She always complains about doctor's offices and whatnot. She usually says, "I can't stand them!" or "I hate them!" or something of the like. I just told her I was glad he was going to be seen and hoped he got to feeling better.
In the past she has always kept him at her house when he was sick so he wouldn't get my daughter sick. Even a few weeks ago she commented that she would just keep Kiddo if he wasn't feeling better on our day because there was no sense in infecting everyone else. That's just about the only reasonable thing she has ever said to us.
Later that day she told me he was indeed diagnosed with the flu and was still running fever but he had finally stopped vomiting. Then she texts Husby later and says she's bringing him by. I got home and Husby mentioned that Kiddo was on his way over. I turned around and said, "Are you serious?? He has the flu and he's running a fever! He can't come over here! I have pneumonia, you are doped up on pain meds (for his kidney stones), and BabyGirl (husby's and my daughter) is on antibiotics for bronchitis and an ear infection! All the kids who have been put on vents and/or have died from the flu have been because they had another infection. He absolutely cannot come over here!" Husby realized what I was saying (he had been in the ER twice the previous day for severe kidney stone pain) and texted Beast. She didn't respond but pulled up a minute later. He went outside and told her that it wasn't a good idea for Kiddo to come over and told her why. She blurted, "I have plans!" Husby said, "I'm sorry, but I'm in no shape to take care of kiddo," and explained to her about all of us. He said, "We can swap weekends so you can have some free time." She said, "No, I'm not swapping weekends. You just lost yours!" Then Husby said something about how he could barely stand up and he just couldn't take the chance of making BabyGirl sick too. Beast snapped, "I'm tired of you choosing her over Kiddo!" and she stormed off with Kiddo. Husby stumbled into the house, angry and dizzy. He told me what she said and I lost my temper.
6.5 years of taking her bullshit and playing nice .... I was done. I snapped.
Monday, October 19, 2009
When Beast found out later, she was FURIOUS. How do I know? Idiot texted me, "She got pissed at me because I showed you the house. I told her you thought it was cute and she was mad anyway." hehe. I told her later that I didn't mean any harm; I just thought it was a cute little house. That diffused the situation.
Then Beast was pregnant. Talk about making me sick to my stomach. She doesn't take care of kiddo, so now she's bringing another pour soul into the world with this Idiot? Super.
One day, during a dropoff of Kiddo to Idiot, I asked if they had told Kiddo about the baby yet. They had been waiting to tell him for a while (not sure why...they just said they wanted to wait) and so this time I asked and Idiot said, "There's nothing to tell him now." I just looked at him and said, "OMG! Did she have a miscarriage?" I knew better, but I was trying to play nicey-nice. He looked very uncomfortable and looked away from me and then said, "uh... yeah. A miscarriage." I knew right then they had gotten an abortion. Beast told me later that she had a tubal pregnancy but when she described the symptoms, it wasn't a tubal at all. She was just being a big fat liar. I'm very pro-life when it comes to using abortion as a means of birth control. I despise her for this, but honestly...that baby didn't stand a chance with her and Idiot.
A few months passed and Idiot was telling me how Beast was a total bitch and she gets mad about everything. He was tired of it. And before too long, Kiddo announced that he saw the police in their front yard while Idiot and Beast were pushing and shoving each other, screaming. I asked how he knew this and he said he watched from his bedroom window. Nice.
Beast and Idiot were getting divorced after 9 whole months of married bliss. Then she told me she was filing for bankruptcy. She's 23 and has had two abortions, is divorced, and now filing for bankruptcy. Everyone makes mistakes and a lot of people have to file for bankruptcy and I don't look down on them for it. I mean, who am I to judge? I have my own issues. But Beast is hateful and all this bad karma is her own damn fault.
Things go well for a couple of years because I kiss her butt and make her think I like her and give a shit about what goes on in her life. This whole time she's hooking up with random guys from the internet and she even had one lined up while getting divorced.
I keep up with her boyfriends, what they do for a living, and how she's "in love" with the current one because "he always tells me how beautiful I am." WTF ever. She sends me emails and one email about a year ago tells me about how she's in love with the latest one and she hasn't said "I love you" to someone and meant it since she was with MY HUSBAND. What kind of effin retard tells a man's current wife that kind of thing? I just turned it around and said, "Yeah, he's pretty amazing..." and went on about the ooey gooey things hubby does for me. That shut the bitch up.
Kiddo is getting ready to start kindergarten so I sweet talked Beast into letting him go to school in our district. He can get on and off the bus at our house, our neighbor can watch him everyday after school for the hour or so til one of us gets home for $5/day, and that's waaay cheaper than an after school program. After I worked on her for a while, she caved. He spent the night with us on his first night before kindergarten and so Hubby and I took kiddo to school and took lots of photos. Beast didn't ask how it went or anything. Her only kid and she didn't even show up to see him at school!
Not long after the school year started, I had to put my dog to sleep. She was my BABY. I was devastated. Then a month later, I found out I was pregnant. We were so very excited!! Kiddo was going to be a big brother and he was pretty happy. He kept saying, "I want the baby to sleep in my room with me so I can give him/her a stuffed animal if he/she cries." It was so sweet. We have a 3bedroom/2 bath house and one bedroom was our office. Hubby did homework and I paid bills in there. Kiddo had his own room and we had the other. We were trying to decide what to do because Kiddo is only at our house every other weekend and one night during the week. We had discussed having them share a room since he wasn't there very often.
The holidays were coming up and we were trying to work out a visitation that we liked better than the custody agreement. Beast was pretty agreeable until one day when she got a hair up her butt and came to get Kiddo. She had agreed to let him stay with us but then apparently changed her mind. Hubby was at home and I was on my way home from work. When I pulled up, they were yelling at each other in the driveway. I got out, got in the middle and calmed them down. Beast was crying and Hubby was steamed. She decided that it was unfair to make Kiddo share a room with a baby. She decided it was her business to tell us what to do with our living space. And then she was there to pick up kiddo because she didn't want to give up any time right now. It was not pretty. I tried explaining things to her and she didn't say a word.
The next day I got an email about how we didn't care anything about Kiddo, just about the child support money that we have to pay. She was the only one who cared about him and so she was going to stop letting us have any extra time with him, take away our overnights during the week, and so on. I called Hubby and he was ready to fight. I said, "Give me until the end of the day before you talk to her." He said, "If you can fix this, then you need to do peace negotiations for the Middle East." Beast is pretty unreasonable and ignorant. She thinks she's mother of the year, though, because she'll run to her family and they'll fill her full of stupidity.
Within two hours, I had made peace with her. I apologized over and over and blah blah blah. So we were back to the way things were.
Then I had my baby and I realized even more what a lazy sack of shit Beast was. How do you pawn off your child so much? It hit me even harder when I became a mother.
Kiddo came to me one day saying that a new boyfriend had spent the night and he didn't like it. It scared him. I asked him if he told his mother and he said yes. She told him to "get over it." I didn't say anything for a week or so. Then one day I mentioned it to her that he had said something about it and it bothered him. She laughed (she has a LOUD obnoxious laugh) and said, "He has a big mouth!" That was it. Really.
Things are going along, Kiddo is unhappy and cries when he has to go back to her house. He always wants to stay with us. He is in love with his baby sister and doesn't want to leave her. It's precious really. He sees how I am with her and he tells me quite often, "I wish you were my mommy..." It breaks my heart. All I can say is, "Me too, buddy."
Now we're almost up to speed. I'm sure I've left out quite a bit, but I can always come back later and talk about it.
The last 5 boyfriends: R: he was married while they were dating. He was in the process of getting divorced. He had no job and lived in a trailer. They were in loooove.
C: he had a job, but his truck was broken down, so he stayed with Beast so she could cart him around everywhere. Another one was a cook at a restaurant and chain smoked and always looked like he rolled out of a dumpster. Another was "the love of (her) life" and they went camping on July 4th of this year. Guess what the sleeping arrangements were? Beast and boyfriend in 1 tent. Beast's sister, her boyfriend, sister's 3 kids, and Kiddo were in the other tent. TACKY!!!
Since this is so long, I'll post later about how I went all Jerry Springer on her. :)
Monday, August 31, 2009
We walked on eggshells for quite some time and of course documented every single bruise, scratch, or bug bite Kiddo got. He would come to our house with dark circles under his sunken eyes, covered with hundreds of bug bites, bruises all over his legs, trunk, arms, and face, and he wouldn't have bathed since the last time we saw him. The kid would stink so badly that as soon as he came near us our noses would crinkle up. I remember many occasions where he'd have that funk about him and he'd go straight into the bathtub before he could do anything else. What kind of shitforbrains egg donor doesn't bathe their kid for a WEEK? He'd have cradle cap at THREE YEARS OLD from not bathing. It was just disgusting. His fingernails and toenails would be out of control long, and his hair would be in his eyes...and not in the cute, stylish way.
We once got a letter from her brother who just finished law school saying that we were to NOT cut his hair because The Beast was primary custodial parent and she was to have the say over who cut his hair. We were SO PISSED about that. THEN CUT HIS F****** hair so he can see and not look like a homeless kid!
She doesn't send clothes to our house for him to wear so I go out and purchase clothes for him to wear while at our house on the weekends, then I wash the clothes she sends him in for him to wear back. The reason I don't send him back in ours is because I'll never see them again. I finally made her bring an outfit to leave at our house so he wouldn't go back to school on Wednesday morning in what he wore on Tuesday.
Fast forward a couple of years and she had met some guy on the internet and has begun dating him. She got married after knowing the guy 3 months. His name is Idiot. This guy is so full of shit that I can't begin to tell you how ridiculous he is. You automatically feel dumber after listening to him for 5 minutes.
So, she got married and told us after the fact like we did. We were shocked, because there was never a mention of this guy and she only called to tell Husby because Kiddo's hair was buzzed. BUZZED. This, after a hateful letter from her shitforbrains brother tells us we cannot cut his hair. The haircut he got from us was short, but still over an inch long. The one from her is BUZZED. Husby said he could tell she didn't want to tell him, but knew he'd be shocked. Husby just said, "Okay." Hung up the phone and THEN he let loose.
While they were married, Idiot decided that he was Mr. Dad and Husby called The Beast and informed her that Idiot was NOT Kiddo's father and under NO uncertain terms should Kiddo be calling him "Daddy." Husby was PISSED and rightfully so. I had never asked Kiddo to call me "mommy" and he always calls me by my first name. Beast admitted it wasn't right and would fix it. Damn straight she will.
I met Idiot one day to drop off Kiddo to him and Idiot was being a complete shithead to Kiddo. Griping at him for doing kid things: touching anything he walks past, skipping, etc. I bit my tongue but was not happy. You don't come into a kid's life and start being shitty and barking orders. So I decided my new angle of attack: befriend the Idiot. Get info from him and use it against them later when the time was right.
Idiots are AWESOME for dispensing info they shouldn't. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
While he was in daycare (I guess this is technically before he was in pre-k, so I'm out of order again. Go figure.) he was in a class where the teachers seemed to change every week. He was 2 or so years old and one day I went to pick him up (after we were married, she HAD to add me as a person to pick him up) and the teacher said, "He bit everyone in the class today. And both teachers." So I got onto him. I patted him on his butt OVER his diaper. I did not HIT him, and I did not hurt him. (Did you know step-parents are not allowed to spank? Just a sidenote.) I did not yell, nor did I yank him around. I patted him on the butt ONCE, gently, and said, "We do not bite. " Looking back, I should've done nothing. But hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, as I was walking out the door, I noticed one of the teachers yanking a little girl by the arm and spanking her HARD. The kid was kicking and screaming. I said something to the assistant director at the front desk as I was leaving and she went in the room.
We got home and I let Kiddo play in the backyard and run around with our Siberian Husky. They loved to play together and they had a good time. Kiddo got knocked over once and hit a landscaping trailer as he landed on his bottom. Not a big deal. He cried, I picked him up and he had a small scrape but nothing major. Didn't think much about it and the next morning, we are getting into the car to go to daycare and kiddo says "owie" and points at his back. There is a slight discoloration and the scrapes are there. I looked at it and it honestly looked harmless. Mistake number two.
We get to daycare and I point out the slight bruising and scrapes to the teacher, who calls in the director. They gasp and wonder what happened. I said, "Well, he fell down, but it didn't seem that bad at the time. I didn't check him before he left here yesterday but his fall really wasn't that bad." I left and had a bad feeling. I get to work and a few minutes later, the daycare director calls to tell me that she called DHS (Dept of Human Services) because while she didn't think I was abusive, she was required to report bruises. And one of the teachers told her I had "beat him" when I found out he had bitten all the kids. WHAT?!?!
While any normal parents would just think it was ridiculous and not worry about it, I worried because I know how The Beast operates and this will be blow up in my face.
DHS calls and talks to me on the phone. I told them everything and invited them to come to our house anytime, unannounced, to do whatever they felt necessary to investigate because I had nothing to hide. They never called my husband. I was upset, but Husby said, "The Beast will do something. We just have to wait and see." He was upset and worried too but knew I'd never hurt Kiddo. She shows up at our house with Evil Witch and takes Kiddo from our house that evening. Husby argues with her and says, "You know I would NEVER hurt him!" She said,"No, but Constance would!" He argued with her and just let her take him. What could he do?
A month goes by and we get him on our two weekends and our day of the week. We even get him on Labor Day which was our holiday that year. Not a word is said. All seems well. Then one day I wasn't feeling really well so I slept in and was going into work a little late. A sherriff's deputy knocks on my door. I answer and he is there to serve Husby with a RESTRAINING ORDER. It took that bitch a MONTH to decide to do this. I call our lawyer's office to find out what it is because I have no idea. The secretary is beyond rude, but basically tells me its a restraining order and to NOT contact The Beast, as it will violate the order. We are told not to go near the daycare, Beast's home, or contact her or Kiddo in any form until the court date.
We get in to see our lawyer and she looks at the date of the DHS call and the date of the restraining order and tells us how ridiculous it is and that the judge will dismiss it. We want to call DHS to see how their "investigation" has turned out and our lawyer says to not do that, because that's what guilty people do. WHAT? We are accused and we want to know what's going on. She says no. LawyerLady is supposed to be the best and she's a good friend of Husby's family, so we listen to her. Plus, she isn't charging us much and we can pay her out in payments.
So, 30 LONG days go by until our court date. We have not seen Kiddo this entire time. Our hearts hurt. I am so upset and worried and anxious. I start losing weight, I can't sleep... I honestly thought that Husby was going to blame me and leave me. I forget what he said, but it made me think I needed to leave. He asked me where I was going and I told him I was leaving. He told me to stay, that he needed me to help him fight. So we hugged and cried together and that created one hell of a bond between us that day. We pledged to fight her and that good people have to win at some point.
We get to court and our lawyer thinks this will be dismissed and we'll be out of there in a few minutes. We get sworn in as a room (there were lots of people there for different cases), and then when its our turn, Husby and Beast sit at the table with their lawyers. My FIL and I are sitting in the audience. I am asked to leave because I am a "witness." Next thing I know, I am sitting outside the room with EvilWitch. She's talking to the woman next to her and I just try to busy myself with reading things on the bulletin board in the hallway. I get called in and am asked to sit in the witness seat. The Beast's lawyer gets up and throws photos at me and yells, "Don't you think this looks like abuse? Like a handprint across his forehead and all those bruises on his back?" He shows me photos taken from an emergency room and the bruises are BAD. Like, all over his back. And he has what the lawyer says is a "handprint" on the side of his face. Kiddo looked NOTHING like that when we took him to daycare that morning. I am so mad, but I keep a calm face and said, "I don't know what child abuse looks like, but he didn't get that from our house." But I'm reeling from the images. I keep wondering how he could've gotten those bruises from our house. It just doesn't add up. My lawyer asked me a few things and that was about it. I am asked to wait outside again and I don't know what goes on. I'm on the phone with my mom, crying and mad. They all come out of the courtroom and The Beast's lawyer is talking to my FIL and Husby. He reaches out to shake my FIL's hand. My FIL just stands there and looks at his hand for what seemed like an eternity. It was VERY.AWKWARD. I had no idea what just happened and now my very southern, friendly FIL is just staring down this lawyer's hand. Everyone just stands there in shock. He finally reluctantly shakes his hand and The Beast and her posse leaves.
Husby fills me in after our lawyer, Husby, and FIL are all done talking. Turns out: Husby got REAMED from the judge for not calling DHS to find out the status, The Beast's lawyer found a social worker to testify that it looked like classic child abuse to her, and the judge had to call The Beast's lawyer off of Husby while questioning him. He was screaming and yelling and up in Husby's face. The judge said he wanted a supervised reunion between Kiddo and Husby at the DHS office with a DHS officer present. Then if that went well, we would resume normal visitation with Kiddo with SUPERVISION. The Beast agreed to let my FIL be the supervisor of our supervised visitation.
So basically, we were considered guilty.
Friday, August 7, 2009
The next morning we packed up and left, as we weren't willing to stay an entire weekend with an iffy water situation. We just went to a hotel and went shopping in the area. It was a nice, low-key honeymoon. We were official and no longer had to "hide." I know that people who read this will think I'm the evil "other woman" who stole someone's boyfriend, but it wasn't like that at all.
My family was thrilled. I guess I left out the part where my dad was not happy about me dating someone with a kid and who lived with his ex-girlfriend. But Husby lived up to all promises of moving out, getting his own place, etc. Husby took my dad to lunch to ask permission to marry me (before we got engaged, of course) and my dad was teary-eyed and said he couldn't think of a more honorable man to marry his daughter. As they got to know each other, they realized they had a LOT in common. :)
So... I'm a bad storyteller, I know. I jump around and babble and skip over this and that, etc. Sorry. That's how my mind works too. :)
The first weekend we were to get kiddo -- I need to come up with a nickname for him -- Husby decided to tell The Beast (aka BabyMama) he was married. We met at a department store but I stayed in another area so she wouldn't see me. Husby said that The Beast and Evil Witch (Baby Mama's mother) were sitting in The Beast's car and Husby held up his newly married ring fingered hand and said, "Just thought I'd let you know I got married." Jaws hit the floor. Silence. Husby savors this, but shows no emotion. Beast says, "To Constance*?" She's obviously thinking WOW. He married the next girl he dated after me?? He says, "Yes. We've been together over a year." Technically, a year and 9 months but he didn't want to go into too much detail with her. They didn't have much, if anything, to say. Husby said the look on their faces was priceless.
Kiddo has never known life without me. We have always made sure he calls me Constance* and not "mommy" because he has a mother. I never spoke to The Beast and she could only hate me from afar. :) I have loved Kiddo like he was my own child and took him to the doctor when he was sick, bought him clothes and toys, set my alarm to get up in the middle of the night to check his temp when he had fever, got up with him when he cried, and played with him every moment he was at our apartment. He loved me and I loved him. But I always knew I was never his mother. When out in public, people thought we were mommy and son. I'd correct people when they'd call me his "mommy" because I didn't want to confuse Kiddo and I didn't want someone to know who Kiddo was and report back to The Beast that I was trying to make people think I was his mother.
When I married Husby, I was getting an awesome package deal: Husby and Kiddo. Dealing with The Beast would be part of it, I knew, but she truly lives up to her name, even to this day.
I'll tell a quick story to explain what I mean.
She decided to enroll Kiddo in a rundown daycare. We had no say over this. And she decided that I was not allowed to pick Kiddo up from daycare on our days with him (Tuesday and every other weekend). Why? Because she said so. Okay, fine. Husby had to drive to meet me at daycare, sign Kiddo out, and put him in my car. Husby was going to school at night to work on his degree and I was to take care of Kiddo for the first hour or so until Husby got home from class. One day we got kiddo and he was COVERED in bug bites. Covered to the point that daycare even said something to us. Husby said, "He's been at his mother's house. I will try to clear up what I can, but I'll talk to her about it." This was on a Tuesday. I remember this because that Friday, daycare said his legs were swollen and we took him to the doctor. He had accumulated even more bug bites on his little legs and his dirty little kid fingers were scratching them until they bled and were now infected. The doctor couldn't believe what he saw and prescribed antibiotics. Think that would be enough to get The Beast's attention? Ha. No. We went through this TWO.MORE.TIMES. I understand some kids get bites, but he had over 100 bites on him each time. If you take your kid outside during bug season, and your kid tastes good to bugs, PUT BUG REPELLANT ON THEM! Good lord. I even sent a can of it home with him once. Didn't matter. She never used it.
Another time when he was in pre-k at another rundown location, the school nurse sent him home because he (the nurse) thought Kiddo had chicken pox. I called the school nurse and turns out, I knew him! How embarassing! But I told him our situation and he understood. He said he just had to protect all the other kids at the pre-k, so he needed a doctor's note clearing Kiddo to return. Kiddo had been at The Beast's house all weekend and it was our day (Tuesday) so I left work, picked him up, and brought him back to work with me. I worked in a family practice clinic so I had the same doc who saw him before look at Kiddo and got a note saying it was bug bites and not chicken pox.
This was infuriating, so I went to her house and told her that we would like to keep Kiddo with us at our house (we had bought a house by then) for a week to let the bites clear up. We offered to pay to have her house professionally sprayed and she turned us down, saying she'd just bomb her house. (He had mosquito and flea bites everywhere, even in areas that he shouldn't, if you get my meaning.) So the week at our house, his bites heal and he has a great time. He bawled when she picked him up. He wanted to stay. So he was at her house ONE NIGHT and he is covered again. The nurse had called me back to report this to me. I called The Beast and said we'd like to keep him until she gets her flea problem under control. She said, "No. I will keep him. I'd rather him get more bites now and know the problem isn't fixed than let him get all cleared up and go through this again." WHAT.THE.HELL.???????? Seriously?! So I had no other choice but to leave him there crying with her. :( And he did get a LOT more bites.
Next up: Restraining order. Child abuse allegations (against US). Court.
*my real name is not Constance.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Now that BabyDaddy has $6 a month for groceries after paying child support and bills, he can't come visit me. So I will go to him. But I'm in a car accident [not my fault - I was rear ended while at a stop light]**this was a big deal. I was in physical therapy for a few months and had to take incompletes in 2 of my classes because of it** that totals my car and I'm now in a rental. What does he do? He has a spare car that he paid cash for years ago that he just got back from his brother. His brother had borrowed it and now BabyDaddy has offered to teach me how to drive it and told me I can borrow it until I get another one!!! Um, I live 4 hours away!!! Maybe it was the newness of the relationship that made him trust me, I don't know. He taught me how to drive a standard and on a hill, no less, because where I lived is FULL of very steep hills. Not fun for a newbie stick driver.
So now I have a way to come visit. I was going to school full time during the week and working Thurs night, Friday night, and Saturday night from 7pm to 7:30am. So I go into work at 7pm Thursday night and basically work, come home to sleep, eat, shower, and go back to work. This repeats til I get off 7:30am Sunday morning. So I'd get off work Sunday morning and go get my dog and clothes and drive the 3.5 - 4 hours to BabyDaddy's house. I'd stay all week and drive back to work on Thursday evening. It was exhausting, but BabyDaddy and I were very close by now.
We had been dating for several months by now and were each other's best friend. BD didn't have much in terms of baby things because BabyMama took EVERY.SINGLE.THING when BD decided to move out. She took everything and left BD with nothing. Not even a diaper. And then when she brought BabyBoy for a visit, she didn't bring formula, bottles, nothing. So BabyDaddy had to borrow money to get formula, bottles, etc. I was livid. I had very little money, but I went to a resale shop in my town and bought 4 bags full of toys and clothes for BabyBoy. When I showed up that Sunday, BabyDaddy had tears streaming down his cheeks. He said it was like Christmas. He hugged me tighter than usual.
So we went out shopping and I bought diapers, wipes, etc. BabyDaddy's family couldn't stand BabyMama even while they were dating, but they were more than willing to help BabyDaddy out so they got him some diapers, bottles, formula,etc. What's so irritating is that the baby gifts from them, BabyMama took. She finally loaned BabyDaddy a portable crib for BabyBoy to sleep in so he wouldn't have to sleep in the floor. How thoughtful of her.
The next few months were nice that we weren't having to say code words on the phone since she was no longer around. We had a code word for "I love you." BabyDaddy decided on "moogle." I was like, WTF is that? But that's BabyDaddy for you. He is funny like that. [When we got our wedding bands, I had "moogle" inscribed on the inside of it. :) ]
Then BabyMama's asshat father passed away. BM didn't have anyone to talk to, so guess who she came to visit? BABYDADDY!! Yes, she did. Thankfully I wasn't there. But she came over and cried and cried and said she knew he'd understand because BD has lost his mother a few years ago. She commented on how clean and tidy his apt was and couldn't get over how nice it looked. Uh, yeah, because SHE wasn't living there!
She has no idea he and I are dating, so she makes some remarks about how they should try to work it out. BD says he's not interested, so she huffs off. Oh, have I mentioned that a month after he and I started dating (she didn't know this, though), she got him a valentine's gift? Know what it was? A VIBRATOR!! BD was repulsed in more ways than one, but she said, "What? It's a massager!!" She didn't realize she got him a vibrator. And yes, I believe she was that dumb because I know her and she REALLY IS that clueless at times. Ugh.
After 8 months of dating and driving back and forth, BabyDaddy asks me to move in with him. We had discussed it before, but he had wanted to be on his own for a bit. I respected that. I just knew he couldn't afford to do it and I was throwing away money on rent, utilities, etc on a place I didn't occupy much. So we moved in together and at this point, BabyMama still had NO idea. Then an acquaintance of both of theirs came by to see BabyDaddy and I was there. We tried not to be obvious but she figured out we were dating and told BabyMama. Who of course was jealous and angry. We made sure I was never there during BabyBoy exchange. BabyBoy would scream and cry when he had to go back to BabyMama and this broke BD's heart. He'd come home in tears. It just sucked.
Since I had officially moved, I needed to find a job. I was driving back up on the weekends (Thu evening, actually) and working, then crashing at a friend's apt during the day while she was at work, then I'd shower and go to work before she got home. I did this Friday and Saturday, then would drive to my NEW home :) on Sunday mornings when I got off. It was exhausting and I did it for 2 months.
I applied at a temp agency and had my interview on Thursday afternoon before I left for my long drive to work. They called me Friday and left a voicemail on BabyDaddy's machine. They had a position at a hospital where I could start Monday if I wanted. I didn't even have to interview because the manager was so short handed she would just try me out. I drove home Sunday morning, slept a few hours, then stayed up so I could sleep that night. I started the temp job in a clinic at a hospital on Monday and worked all week til Thursday, when I left work a couple of hours early so I could make the drive to my old job. I turned in my 2 week notice and worked like a crazy person until I was done.
I finally had cut my ties from the city 4 hours away and was settled back in my hometown. It was refreshing. I finally had money to pay bills and not be utterly broke all the time. He had money to eat and we actually were able to rent movies, go out to dinner, and DO something other than work. And we got to see each other daily. And since I'm in my hometown, I get to see my family more than once or twice a year. :)
We had been dating 8 months at this point and BabyMama still had no idea until the gossip ran and told her. BabyBoy was now 14 months old and loved me. We played and laughed a lot. It was awesome.
A year after moving in together, we got married. BabyMama still had no idea and we were trying to find the right opportunity to tell her. BabyBoy was a toddler and he was the cutest ring bearer EVER. :)
We had a Hawaiian themed wedding and Hawaiian themed casual clothing was encouraged. :) It was SO laid back and so much fun. I need to find some pics and scan them.
So after our honeymoon we had a week or so before we had to get kiddo again. And this time BabyDaddy (now my Hubby-hoo) was going to tell her. Details next post. :)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
So, before I go any further, let me just say I'm not putting BabyMama down because she has depression. That's just not who I am. But as I get into the story further, maybe you'll have more insight as to why I speak so condescendingly of her.
The weekend. Sigh.
BabyDaddy came up to visit me and neither of us had any intentions. He needed a place to get away and so he was going to go camping in my neck of the woods. I told him, "It's January, and you will FREEZE to death!" So he stayed with me. My dog (who was my baby) instantly loved him. And this was no small feat. She was very skittish and not fond of men at all. But she parked her butt next to him on the couch and layed next to him until I had to move her so he could get up. It was the first part of January, so I still had my Christmas decor up. I was a college student and lived in a small one bedroom apartment. I had the Christmas tree lit, candles were burning, and Norah Jones playing in the background. Now, before you think I'm trying to seduce him... this was BEFORE Norah Jones won all of her awards and became super mainstream. A friend of mine had introduced me to her music and I was smitten. So I played it to relax. And he needed that too. He sat on my couch and cried, talked, and talked, and talked...and then he just looked at me and said, "Thank you. I've forgotten who I am. I know I'm a father, a son, a brother, etc. but there is still a ME inside of all of that." I couldn't understand really because I had no kids. I just listened.
We were best friends that weekend. And yes, we slept together. It's not something we planned. And it was certainly not "like me" to do that. I mean, I had only been with 2 others. One was my first really serious boyfriend (I was 23, so cut me some slack) and the other was a guy I'd had a mad crush on since I moved to CollegeTown. We had a "casual sex" relationship and I found myself no longer attracted to him. I guess I wanted to be "wild" just once and see what the fuss was about. But I digress.
Anyway, here is some TMI.
BEST.SEX. EVER!!!!!! And nothing weird or strange or gross. I guess it was the emotions. He felt so free and happy. And he needed that.
The craziest part was that when he left that weekend, I felt no loss or sadness. I'm a very analytical type that overanalyzes everything and then I'm so self-conscious about things I've said or done. But I wasn't that weekend. And I wasn't when he left. I didn't feel like I had prostituted myself out either. Happiness was all that was there.
Over the next few weeks, we talked online and sometimes over the phone. He was up at odd hours because BabyBoy would wake up and need to be changed, fed, etc. And I was up because I was a student and I had to do a lot of my homework on the computer. I'd just have my instant messenger turned on too.
He told me one night he couldn't keep a smile off of his face. He just went on to tell me how happy he was and how I made him feel human again. We exchanged emails and began making trips to see each other. BabyMama was oblivious because she was busy chatting online and ignoring BabyDaddy and BabyBoy. So we decided we were going to try this dating thing.
How, you ask? Well, yes... he was still living with BabyMama and BabyBoy but he wanted out. And not because of me. He had wanted out long before. So he started making plans to move out on his own. He knew there would be custody issues so he moved to our original hometown and got a 2 bedroom apartment. He got BabyBoy only when BabyMama felt like it, which wasn't often, so BabyDaddy filed for custody. Of course, BabyDaddies don't get custody in Podunk, USA. There is a "standard custody agreement" where the BabyMama gets custody, the BabyDaddy has to pay child support, provide ALL medical and dental insurance, and pay half of the incurred expenses (co-pays, medication, etc.). And BabyDaddy gets BabyBoy every other weekend and for a few hours one night a week. Is this fair? NO. But he has no choice. Oh, and then he had to pay BabyMama's legal fees. WTF?!
So BabyDaddy is just relieved to finally be away from BabyMama. As he told her, "My hatred for you is getting in the way of my love for my son." She was so pissed. Of course she was going to make it hell on BabyDaddy. She blamed HIM for everything. Nevermind that she would never take out the trash and when he would come home, trash would be overflowing onto the floor, dishes with food left in them all over the house and in the kitchen, etc. BabyDaddy was working THREE jobs to get diapers & formula, pay bills, etc. while she sat on her fat, nasty, lazy ass and did nothing all day. And although I only saw a small piece of this, outsiders saw it and confirmed it to me. It was awful.
BabyDaddy was now living on his own making just enough money to pay his rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, and had a whopping $6 a month left over for groceries.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Hi. My name is Constance. Well, not really, but in this blog it will be. I have many stories to tell but cannot tell them unless under a shroud of anonymity. So here I am. And now I can unleash all the stories of love, hate, and secrecy that I want. I feel better already!
Let me start off with the reason for beginning this blog. It will be a very long story, with lots of twists and turns, and play by play action. Okay, seriously, I will start at the beginning and lead you down the path I have chosen. I am not the best storyteller, as I tend to jump around a lot, but I'll try to keep it coherent. So, without further ado, here it goes...
The bane of my existence is my stepson's "mother." I use that term loosely. She and my husband dated for three months when she got pregnant. She was 18, he was 26. Before you say it, I know. Really, I know. He should be kicked in the head for dating someone who was barely legal. And when you don't keep your pants on, you can get someone/yourself knocked up. And then you have to deal with that person for at the very minimum the next 18 years.
So, she got pregnant. She panicked and ran to BabyDaddy. He had grown up with nieces and nephews so he was great with kids. He said, "Well, DON'T have an abortion! We'll take care of this baby." I'm sure her parents were less than thrilled with BabyMama because she was in her first year of college (on an academic scholarship) and now she was knocked up. This was not her first rodeo, however, because BabyDaddy learned BabyMama had already had an abortion from a previous relationship.
They decided to rent a house together and "do the right thing." BabyDaddy was working three jobs and BabyMama was going to school. BabyMama had enough scholarship money to pay her portion of the bills so things looked promising.
Until pregnancy hormones kicked in. And the bitch came out.
BabyMama's family has a history of severe depression and her father was medically forced to retire because of it. BabyMama (can I call her BM from now on? And it seems oddly appropriate, considering I think she is a total piece of SHIT. heh.) .. or BM, turned into a nasty, raging bitch. BabyDaddy (we'll call BD... no funny sidenotes on that), or BD, has a temper so he didn't take it too well... but don't get me wrong, he's not physically violent. When he gets mad, he bitches and gripes, then will just LEAVE. So, lots of arguments ensued. And finally they just ignored each other. BabyBoy (BB) was born and BD was happy. BM was miserable and bitchy. BD convinced BM to go to a doctor for post partum depression. She went and was given medication. She took it the first month off and on and then never refilled it. BD was irritated but had his hands full taking care of BB. BD got up with BB, changed his diapers, rocked him to sleep, did all the things BM should've been doing but could care less about. I realize this had a lot to do with her depression, but BD was working 3 jobs and BM was out of school for the summer with no job and needed to step up at some point. Days would go by without her even stepping foot into BB's bedroom. She enjoyed getting on the computer and chatting in online chat rooms and IMs.
******Backtrack for a moment: ******
I have been friends with BD for years before this all occured. He and I talked a lot and I remember when his mother passed away and how he was distant, then his best friend died, and his other best friend quit talking to him when he began dating BM because she couldn't stand BM. He grew up in my hometown and is 2 years older than me. We lived down the street from each other and met soon thereafter through a mutual friend. I was smitten. He was very pretty and popular. (I say pretty because he WAS. But in a boy sense, not a girly way.) I was nowhere near the type he dated, which was Barbie-esque. I was average looking and thin/petite, but not into the tons of makeup and whatnot. He was nice, though. And I used to jog past his house everyday, despite having to jog UPHILL to do so.
I graduated and went to college and he moved out of state. I went to a college a few hours away and we reconnected via online chat room on AOL. Yes, corny, but that was "the thing" back then. We were never flirty, just friends. I was excited when I met a non-Barbie girlfriend and she was, in his words, "just like me, except with boobs." (Classy, I know.) She had a daughter and he was great with her. We all played tennis together one day at a local park for fun. I was so sad when they broke up. Now that I look back on it, it was meant to happen because you cannot have two stubborn, hard headed people date. It just won't work.
He eventually began dating BM a few years later. And that's where I'll pick back up where I left off.
During the next 6 months, BM wouldn't even look at BB and BD would confront her and say, "You need to spend time with your son!" Once, she screamed and ended up punching a hole in the wall. Then she was going to "take BB away" to her parents and BD wouldn't let her in BB's room, for fear of her driving like a maniac and getting in a wreck. Not long after that, they had had an argument, and she took BB to her parents' house and called BD and said, "I'll take him away from you and you'll never see him again!" This made BD's heart stop. He called me sobbing, saying, "He's my heart and soul. She can't do that to me!" I felt so awful for him.
Not long after that, they had a big argument and he just needed a break. He was so done. As he put it, "My hatred for her was getting in the way of the love for my son." So he decided he would move out. He needed to find a way to save up enough to do so since she had already stopped paying her half of the bills and he was fighting every month to keep the gas and electric companies from shutting off service. He was paying every single bill and was beyond exhausted. BM refused to take antidepressants (she wasn't breastfeeding), she was verbally abusive, wouldn't clean up after herself (BD took photos to show how bad things had gotten. It was AWFUL.), and she was a nightmare to share a house with. So after 6 months, he came to visit me to just get away for the weekend.
That weekend changed our lives.