So, out of the blue, Husby gets a phone call from Beast saying that she took Kiddo to a social worker and that the SW requested a "family visit" so Husby could be involved. Husby said he could tell that Beast did NOT want to make that phone call. He said, "What the hell for?" She said, "Well, he is really hyper and I'm having him evaluated for ADD/ADHD." So we show up to the "family" appointment and the SW tells us what Beast has told her. She said that kiddo is hyper, has trouble going to bed at night, that Beast has to put him to bed multiple times and then he'll get back up to watch tv, play with toys, or wants a drink of water. She said that he seems different when he comes back from our house and Beast thinks the back and forth between households is tough on Kiddo. Blah blah blah. So we are fired up and we told the SW that we felt blindsided by this whole idea of "ADD/ADHD" because he has no problems at our house, he goes to bed at 8:30, is asleep within 10 minutes, he is a happy, playful, affection kid at our house, and we think he is just fine the way he is. We communicated that we did NOT want him medicated because we felt it was unjustified. At this point we are trying to be positive and don't want the SW to realize how much we can't stand Beast at this point. The SW looks a little bewildered that we are describing a totally different child but she "remains neutral."
The follow up visit scheduled is for the SW to talk to Kiddo alone. She wants to see how he feels about everything. So Beast takes him, but doesn't prepare him for it so when she tries to leave, Kiddos freaks out and starts crying saying that he is scared. So Beast stays in the room. Very counterproductive. Wasted visit. So when we had Kiddo again, both Husby and I talked to him and told him that the SW wanted to know what was on his mind and how he felt without anyone else in the room so he wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. Kiddo is very sensitive and is afraid of hurting your feelings, so he won't say anything that he thinks will hurt Beast's feelings in front of her.
So that next visit, I show up. Beast is NOT happy about this. Husby couldn't make the appt because she made it the ONE day of the week that she could be there and Husby could not. So I made a surprise visit. And then I pissed her off. :)
So while we are waiting on the SW to call Kiddo back, Beast isn't even looking at me. She will NOT make eye contact. When I walked in, she was glaring at kiddo and he was cowering in his chair. When she saw me come in, she immediately changed her demeanor and then started playing with Kiddo. She tickled him, getting him to laugh so I would think she loved and cared about him. Whatever. I know better.
While kiddo went back to see the SW alone, I waited quietly across from Beast and she picked up the magazine "Parenting." I texted this to a good friend of mine who knows the situation VERY well and she said, "That's like you picking up a magazine on 'How to Be a Wh ore." I laughed out loud on that and was trying to contain my giggles. We got called back to talk to the SW with kiddo in the room and she said that she asked him what made him happy, what made him sad, and what scared him. The happy things were playing the xbox with his mommy, several foods (he was obviously hungry bc the Beast hadn't fed him before the appt. he's always STARVING after school like every kid I know), and then he pointed and smiled at me. He wasn't asked to elaborate. What made him sad was that he missed his Daddy, me, and his baby sister (my daughter) . What scared him were spiders, sharks, etc. He said he was worried about his mommy's safety when he was at his Daddy's house. So the SW asked Beast to tell him what she did to "stay safe" when kiddo was at our house. (Kiddo has NEVER mentioned this to us and he never wants to go back to her house. He cries and wants to stay with us. ) She said, "Awww, kiddo I am safe. I don't stay out late, I lock my doors and windows, and I have a phone to call 911 if something bad did happen." So she's acting all oohey gooey over this and the social worker asks me what I think about Kiddo's answers.
I told her, "Well, I think every kid has the same fears. I know I did when I had to go back and forth between parents. However, I do think I have an idea why he worries about her. He has mentioned to his Daddy and me that he is scared of her frequent overnight visitors. " Beast immediately shot up in her seat and the smile dropped off her face. Her hands started shaking and she was glaring at the SW. The SW looked visibly uncomfortable and looked at Beast and said, "Um, is this something we need to talk about with Kiddo in the room, or should we let him play in the waiting room?" Beast snapped, "I think he needs to be in the waiting room. He doesn't need to hear this." So Kiddo was sent out front and there was a LOT of tension in the room with just Beast and me left in the room. When SW returned, I said, "Kiddo has said that he is uncomfortable with her new boyfriend spending the night. He doesn't know him and he is scared when he spends the night." The SW looked shocked at my revelation and she tried to compose herself before saying, "Beast, you need to talk to kiddo about this.... if you want to." Beast's reply through clenched teeth, "He spent the night ONCE. And it was on the couch. We had come back from my mom's house and it was 2am. I didn't want him driving back to his house which was another 30 minutes away."
So, what happened to not staying out late?? And does it matter if you lock your doors when the perpetrator is INSIDE the house with you??? And this wasn't a "one time" deal, either. She has had SEVERAL boyfriends who have spent the night with her. When I brought it up to her before, she laughed and said, "Kiddo has a big mouth!" Not exactly the response I was looking for, but that's just her. Have I mentioned that she just met this guy online a week prior? Hm. Well, yeah, she met him online and went out on 3 dates with him in one week. Then he spends the night.
Did I mention that she's done this before? No. I didn't say anything else. I did enough damage.
So after it was all over, the SW said she would like to do a test on Kiddo to see if he's ADD/ADHD. She wants to see how kiddo is doing before then so Beast makes a return appt. I stand over her and say, "Please make sure it's on a Tue/Thu so Husby can attend." Beast barks this to the receptionist and then storms out of the building. I had to ask her twice when the appt was as she fled the building. The SW walked out to me at my car and gave me a form she'd like the teacher to fill out. I talked to her for a few moments and she said, "This is common, when parents don't agree on parenting styles." Pshaw. WTF ever, lady.
A couple of hours later, guess who she brings to Kiddo's soccer practice. Yep, that guy Kiddo is uncomfortable being around. She just. doesn't. get. it.
So, a few days later I'm all nicey nice and apologize for bringing it up to the social worker, blah blah blah. I kiss her butt and she's better. She isn't as forthcoming with info, but she's still telling me about New Dude. Well, ND is now unemployed, recently divorced, and has a 2 year old he doesn't get to see very often.
A couple of weeks later, Beast texts Husby and says, "Kiddo had a bad night. Don't come to the social work appointment today if you are going to point blame and if you can't be supportive. Constance doesn't need to be there because Kiddo is our son. Not hers, mine, and yours." So Husby tries to call her and she texts back, "He is sitting here next to me, so I am not going to have this convo right now." So Husby looks at his watch and Kiddo should be at school. he said, "If it's bad enough that you are keeping him out of school, then you need to have him go play in another room and call me." She never responded.
So we both show up at the counseling appointment, wondering what was wrong with Kiddo. I was going to keep my mouth shut, as was Husby, to see what was wrong. Beast was angry as soon as she saw us. When the SW called Kiddo back, Beast snarled to us, "You two can just stay out here!" We ignored her and tried to go back. The SW smiled and then Beast stood in front of her and said, "I don't want them to come back here. As Kiddo's custodial parent, I think I have that right." The SW looked surprised and very uncomfortable. We looked at her and she said, "I'm sorry. I have to abide by her wishes." I said, "So, he isn't allowed back there as Kiddo's father?? Can we just talk to you after you speak with them?" She said, "No, she has custody. She makes the call. And no, I can't talk to you without Beast present. We really need to all be together to discuss Kiddo." So Husby says, "If we're all supposed to be together, then why can't we go back there??" SW said, "Sorry, this is just really uncomfortable. She has custody." So Husby and I left and went straight to our lawyer's office. We made an appt to speak with her the following week.
Later that evening, I was still so angry... I texted Beast and said, "You are such a coward." Of course, no response. But it felt good to send.
We didn't hear anything else until the following visitation day. Kiddo told us that he woke up crying that morning because he was sad. He said he doesn't feel special at Beast's house because she never spends time with him. He said that he gets bored and misses all of us. THAT'S why she didn't want us to go back. She kept him out of school that day because his leg hurt. Yes, she kept him out for that. Does anyone remember growing pains? I do. My legs ached too. But I went to school.
A few days later, she texts Husby and says that Kiddo is running a fever. I texted her and asked how he was doing. She told me the symptoms and I said it sounded like the flu. I gave her my PCP's number and said that if she couldn't get him in to see his PCP, then she would see him that day. Kids are priority at my PCP's office. She said, "I had an appt for him which is unusual." So I said, "Why is that unusual?" She said, "I can never get an appointment with them the same day. I can't stand that clinic." She always complains about doctor's offices and whatnot. She usually says, "I can't stand them!" or "I hate them!" or something of the like. I just told her I was glad he was going to be seen and hoped he got to feeling better.
In the past she has always kept him at her house when he was sick so he wouldn't get my daughter sick. Even a few weeks ago she commented that she would just keep Kiddo if he wasn't feeling better on our day because there was no sense in infecting everyone else. That's just about the only reasonable thing she has ever said to us.
Later that day she told me he was indeed diagnosed with the flu and was still running fever but he had finally stopped vomiting. Then she texts Husby later and says she's bringing him by. I got home and Husby mentioned that Kiddo was on his way over. I turned around and said, "Are you serious?? He has the flu and he's running a fever! He can't come over here! I have pneumonia, you are doped up on pain meds (for his kidney stones), and BabyGirl (husby's and my daughter) is on antibiotics for bronchitis and an ear infection! All the kids who have been put on vents and/or have died from the flu have been because they had another infection. He absolutely cannot come over here!" Husby realized what I was saying (he had been in the ER twice the previous day for severe kidney stone pain) and texted Beast. She didn't respond but pulled up a minute later. He went outside and told her that it wasn't a good idea for Kiddo to come over and told her why. She blurted, "I have plans!" Husby said, "I'm sorry, but I'm in no shape to take care of kiddo," and explained to her about all of us. He said, "We can swap weekends so you can have some free time." She said, "No, I'm not swapping weekends. You just lost yours!" Then Husby said something about how he could barely stand up and he just couldn't take the chance of making BabyGirl sick too. Beast snapped, "I'm tired of you choosing her over Kiddo!" and she stormed off with Kiddo. Husby stumbled into the house, angry and dizzy. He told me what she said and I lost my temper.
6.5 years of taking her bullshit and playing nice .... I was done. I snapped.