Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hoo ch!e is as Hoo ch!e does.

So, out of the blue, Husby gets a phone call from Beast saying that she took Kiddo to a social worker and that the SW requested a "family visit" so Husby could be involved. Husby said he could tell that Beast did NOT want to make that phone call. He said, "What the hell for?" She said, "Well, he is really hyper and I'm having him evaluated for ADD/ADHD." So we show up to the "family" appointment and the SW tells us what Beast has told her. She said that kiddo is hyper, has trouble going to bed at night, that Beast has to put him to bed multiple times and then he'll get back up to watch tv, play with toys, or wants a drink of water. She said that he seems different when he comes back from our house and Beast thinks the back and forth between households is tough on Kiddo. Blah blah blah. So we are fired up and we told the SW that we felt blindsided by this whole idea of "ADD/ADHD" because he has no problems at our house, he goes to bed at 8:30, is asleep within 10 minutes, he is a happy, playful, affection kid at our house, and we think he is just fine the way he is. We communicated that we did NOT want him medicated because we felt it was unjustified. At this point we are trying to be positive and don't want the SW to realize how much we can't stand Beast at this point. The SW looks a little bewildered that we are describing a totally different child but she "remains neutral."

The follow up visit scheduled is for the SW to talk to Kiddo alone. She wants to see how he feels about everything. So Beast takes him, but doesn't prepare him for it so when she tries to leave, Kiddos freaks out and starts crying saying that he is scared. So Beast stays in the room. Very counterproductive. Wasted visit. So when we had Kiddo again, both Husby and I talked to him and told him that the SW wanted to know what was on his mind and how he felt without anyone else in the room so he wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. Kiddo is very sensitive and is afraid of hurting your feelings, so he won't say anything that he thinks will hurt Beast's feelings in front of her.

So that next visit, I show up. Beast is NOT happy about this. Husby couldn't make the appt because she made it the ONE day of the week that she could be there and Husby could not. So I made a surprise visit. And then I pissed her off. :)

So while we are waiting on the SW to call Kiddo back, Beast isn't even looking at me. She will NOT make eye contact. When I walked in, she was glaring at kiddo and he was cowering in his chair. When she saw me come in, she immediately changed her demeanor and then started playing with Kiddo. She tickled him, getting him to laugh so I would think she loved and cared about him. Whatever. I know better.

While kiddo went back to see the SW alone, I waited quietly across from Beast and she picked up the magazine "Parenting." I texted this to a good friend of mine who knows the situation VERY well and she said, "That's like you picking up a magazine on 'How to Be a Wh ore." I laughed out loud on that and was trying to contain my giggles. We got called back to talk to the SW with kiddo in the room and she said that she asked him what made him happy, what made him sad, and what scared him. The happy things were playing the xbox with his mommy, several foods (he was obviously hungry bc the Beast hadn't fed him before the appt. he's always STARVING after school like every kid I know), and then he pointed and smiled at me. He wasn't asked to elaborate. What made him sad was that he missed his Daddy, me, and his baby sister (my daughter) . What scared him were spiders, sharks, etc. He said he was worried about his mommy's safety when he was at his Daddy's house. So the SW asked Beast to tell him what she did to "stay safe" when kiddo was at our house. (Kiddo has NEVER mentioned this to us and he never wants to go back to her house. He cries and wants to stay with us. ) She said, "Awww, kiddo I am safe. I don't stay out late, I lock my doors and windows, and I have a phone to call 911 if something bad did happen." So she's acting all oohey gooey over this and the social worker asks me what I think about Kiddo's answers.

I told her, "Well, I think every kid has the same fears. I know I did when I had to go back and forth between parents. However, I do think I have an idea why he worries about her. He has mentioned to his Daddy and me that he is scared of her frequent overnight visitors. " Beast immediately shot up in her seat and the smile dropped off her face. Her hands started shaking and she was glaring at the SW. The SW looked visibly uncomfortable and looked at Beast and said, "Um, is this something we need to talk about with Kiddo in the room, or should we let him play in the waiting room?" Beast snapped, "I think he needs to be in the waiting room. He doesn't need to hear this." So Kiddo was sent out front and there was a LOT of tension in the room with just Beast and me left in the room. When SW returned, I said, "Kiddo has said that he is uncomfortable with her new boyfriend spending the night. He doesn't know him and he is scared when he spends the night." The SW looked shocked at my revelation and she tried to compose herself before saying, "Beast, you need to talk to kiddo about this.... if you want to." Beast's reply through clenched teeth, "He spent the night ONCE. And it was on the couch. We had come back from my mom's house and it was 2am. I didn't want him driving back to his house which was another 30 minutes away."

So, what happened to not staying out late?? And does it matter if you lock your doors when the perpetrator is INSIDE the house with you??? And this wasn't a "one time" deal, either. She has had SEVERAL boyfriends who have spent the night with her. When I brought it up to her before, she laughed and said, "Kiddo has a big mouth!" Not exactly the response I was looking for, but that's just her. Have I mentioned that she just met this guy online a week prior? Hm. Well, yeah, she met him online and went out on 3 dates with him in one week. Then he spends the night.

Did I mention that she's done this before? No. I didn't say anything else. I did enough damage.

So after it was all over, the SW said she would like to do a test on Kiddo to see if he's ADD/ADHD. She wants to see how kiddo is doing before then so Beast makes a return appt. I stand over her and say, "Please make sure it's on a Tue/Thu so Husby can attend." Beast barks this to the receptionist and then storms out of the building. I had to ask her twice when the appt was as she fled the building. The SW walked out to me at my car and gave me a form she'd like the teacher to fill out. I talked to her for a few moments and she said, "This is common, when parents don't agree on parenting styles." Pshaw. WTF ever, lady.

A couple of hours later, guess who she brings to Kiddo's soccer practice. Yep, that guy Kiddo is uncomfortable being around. She just. doesn't. get. it.

So, a few days later I'm all nicey nice and apologize for bringing it up to the social worker, blah blah blah. I kiss her butt and she's better. She isn't as forthcoming with info, but she's still telling me about New Dude. Well, ND is now unemployed, recently divorced, and has a 2 year old he doesn't get to see very often.

A couple of weeks later, Beast texts Husby and says, "Kiddo had a bad night. Don't come to the social work appointment today if you are going to point blame and if you can't be supportive. Constance doesn't need to be there because Kiddo is our son. Not hers, mine, and yours." So Husby tries to call her and she texts back, "He is sitting here next to me, so I am not going to have this convo right now." So Husby looks at his watch and Kiddo should be at school. he said, "If it's bad enough that you are keeping him out of school, then you need to have him go play in another room and call me." She never responded.

So we both show up at the counseling appointment, wondering what was wrong with Kiddo. I was going to keep my mouth shut, as was Husby, to see what was wrong. Beast was angry as soon as she saw us. When the SW called Kiddo back, Beast snarled to us, "You two can just stay out here!" We ignored her and tried to go back. The SW smiled and then Beast stood in front of her and said, "I don't want them to come back here. As Kiddo's custodial parent, I think I have that right." The SW looked surprised and very uncomfortable. We looked at her and she said, "I'm sorry. I have to abide by her wishes." I said, "So, he isn't allowed back there as Kiddo's father?? Can we just talk to you after you speak with them?" She said, "No, she has custody. She makes the call. And no, I can't talk to you without Beast present. We really need to all be together to discuss Kiddo." So Husby says, "If we're all supposed to be together, then why can't we go back there??" SW said, "Sorry, this is just really uncomfortable. She has custody." So Husby and I left and went straight to our lawyer's office. We made an appt to speak with her the following week.

Later that evening, I was still so angry... I texted Beast and said, "You are such a coward." Of course, no response. But it felt good to send.

We didn't hear anything else until the following visitation day. Kiddo told us that he woke up crying that morning because he was sad. He said he doesn't feel special at Beast's house because she never spends time with him. He said that he gets bored and misses all of us. THAT'S why she didn't want us to go back. She kept him out of school that day because his leg hurt. Yes, she kept him out for that. Does anyone remember growing pains? I do. My legs ached too. But I went to school.

A few days later, she texts Husby and says that Kiddo is running a fever. I texted her and asked how he was doing. She told me the symptoms and I said it sounded like the flu. I gave her my PCP's number and said that if she couldn't get him in to see his PCP, then she would see him that day. Kids are priority at my PCP's office. She said, "I had an appt for him which is unusual." So I said, "Why is that unusual?" She said, "I can never get an appointment with them the same day. I can't stand that clinic." She always complains about doctor's offices and whatnot. She usually says, "I can't stand them!" or "I hate them!" or something of the like. I just told her I was glad he was going to be seen and hoped he got to feeling better.

In the past she has always kept him at her house when he was sick so he wouldn't get my daughter sick. Even a few weeks ago she commented that she would just keep Kiddo if he wasn't feeling better on our day because there was no sense in infecting everyone else. That's just about the only reasonable thing she has ever said to us.

Later that day she told me he was indeed diagnosed with the flu and was still running fever but he had finally stopped vomiting. Then she texts Husby later and says she's bringing him by. I got home and Husby mentioned that Kiddo was on his way over. I turned around and said, "Are you serious?? He has the flu and he's running a fever! He can't come over here! I have pneumonia, you are doped up on pain meds (for his kidney stones), and BabyGirl (husby's and my daughter) is on antibiotics for bronchitis and an ear infection! All the kids who have been put on vents and/or have died from the flu have been because they had another infection. He absolutely cannot come over here!" Husby realized what I was saying (he had been in the ER twice the previous day for severe kidney stone pain) and texted Beast. She didn't respond but pulled up a minute later. He went outside and told her that it wasn't a good idea for Kiddo to come over and told her why. She blurted, "I have plans!" Husby said, "I'm sorry, but I'm in no shape to take care of kiddo," and explained to her about all of us. He said, "We can swap weekends so you can have some free time." She said, "No, I'm not swapping weekends. You just lost yours!" Then Husby said something about how he could barely stand up and he just couldn't take the chance of making BabyGirl sick too. Beast snapped, "I'm tired of you choosing her over Kiddo!" and she stormed off with Kiddo. Husby stumbled into the house, angry and dizzy. He told me what she said and I lost my temper.

6.5 years of taking her bullshit and playing nice .... I was done. I snapped.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Wh ore is as Wh ore does.

Idiot was all chatty with me via texts and I played the sugary sweet stepmom who nodded and uh-huhed my way through it. One day he was there alone and I was dropping off kiddo to him, so I asked to see the inside of the house, pretending that I thought the house was too cute for words. Of course, the house was beyond filthy. And I don't mean the "lived in" look. I mean NASTY. As in, clothes piled everywhere for so long that they were flattened into the carpet, cat hair everywhere, dishes piled all over the kitchen with rotten food, flies everywhere, and the house just looked destroyed. There's a difference between "I'm too tired to care" for a week or two and complete and utter filth. Filth like this does not happen in a matter of weeks.

When Beast found out later, she was FURIOUS. How do I know? Idiot texted me, "She got pissed at me because I showed you the house. I told her you thought it was cute and she was mad anyway." hehe. I told her later that I didn't mean any harm; I just thought it was a cute little house. That diffused the situation.

Then Beast was pregnant. Talk about making me sick to my stomach. She doesn't take care of kiddo, so now she's bringing another pour soul into the world with this Idiot? Super.

One day, during a dropoff of Kiddo to Idiot, I asked if they had told Kiddo about the baby yet. They had been waiting to tell him for a while (not sure why...they just said they wanted to wait) and so this time I asked and Idiot said, "There's nothing to tell him now." I just looked at him and said, "OMG! Did she have a miscarriage?" I knew better, but I was trying to play nicey-nice. He looked very uncomfortable and looked away from me and then said, "uh... yeah. A miscarriage." I knew right then they had gotten an abortion. Beast told me later that she had a tubal pregnancy but when she described the symptoms, it wasn't a tubal at all. She was just being a big fat liar. I'm very pro-life when it comes to using abortion as a means of birth control. I despise her for this, but honestly...that baby didn't stand a chance with her and Idiot.

A few months passed and Idiot was telling me how Beast was a total bitch and she gets mad about everything. He was tired of it. And before too long, Kiddo announced that he saw the police in their front yard while Idiot and Beast were pushing and shoving each other, screaming. I asked how he knew this and he said he watched from his bedroom window. Nice.

Beast and Idiot were getting divorced after 9 whole months of married bliss. Then she told me she was filing for bankruptcy. She's 23 and has had two abortions, is divorced, and now filing for bankruptcy. Everyone makes mistakes and a lot of people have to file for bankruptcy and I don't look down on them for it. I mean, who am I to judge? I have my own issues. But Beast is hateful and all this bad karma is her own damn fault.

Things go well for a couple of years because I kiss her butt and make her think I like her and give a shit about what goes on in her life. This whole time she's hooking up with random guys from the internet and she even had one lined up while getting divorced.

I keep up with her boyfriends, what they do for a living, and how she's "in love" with the current one because "he always tells me how beautiful I am." WTF ever. She sends me emails and one email about a year ago tells me about how she's in love with the latest one and she hasn't said "I love you" to someone and meant it since she was with MY HUSBAND. What kind of effin retard tells a man's current wife that kind of thing? I just turned it around and said, "Yeah, he's pretty amazing..." and went on about the ooey gooey things hubby does for me. That shut the bitch up.

Kiddo is getting ready to start kindergarten so I sweet talked Beast into letting him go to school in our district. He can get on and off the bus at our house, our neighbor can watch him everyday after school for the hour or so til one of us gets home for $5/day, and that's waaay cheaper than an after school program. After I worked on her for a while, she caved. He spent the night with us on his first night before kindergarten and so Hubby and I took kiddo to school and took lots of photos. Beast didn't ask how it went or anything. Her only kid and she didn't even show up to see him at school!

Not long after the school year started, I had to put my dog to sleep. She was my BABY. I was devastated. Then a month later, I found out I was pregnant. We were so very excited!! Kiddo was going to be a big brother and he was pretty happy. He kept saying, "I want the baby to sleep in my room with me so I can give him/her a stuffed animal if he/she cries." It was so sweet. We have a 3bedroom/2 bath house and one bedroom was our office. Hubby did homework and I paid bills in there. Kiddo had his own room and we had the other. We were trying to decide what to do because Kiddo is only at our house every other weekend and one night during the week. We had discussed having them share a room since he wasn't there very often.

The holidays were coming up and we were trying to work out a visitation that we liked better than the custody agreement. Beast was pretty agreeable until one day when she got a hair up her butt and came to get Kiddo. She had agreed to let him stay with us but then apparently changed her mind. Hubby was at home and I was on my way home from work. When I pulled up, they were yelling at each other in the driveway. I got out, got in the middle and calmed them down. Beast was crying and Hubby was steamed. She decided that it was unfair to make Kiddo share a room with a baby. She decided it was her business to tell us what to do with our living space. And then she was there to pick up kiddo because she didn't want to give up any time right now. It was not pretty. I tried explaining things to her and she didn't say a word.

The next day I got an email about how we didn't care anything about Kiddo, just about the child support money that we have to pay. She was the only one who cared about him and so she was going to stop letting us have any extra time with him, take away our overnights during the week, and so on. I called Hubby and he was ready to fight. I said, "Give me until the end of the day before you talk to her." He said, "If you can fix this, then you need to do peace negotiations for the Middle East." Beast is pretty unreasonable and ignorant. She thinks she's mother of the year, though, because she'll run to her family and they'll fill her full of stupidity.

Within two hours, I had made peace with her. I apologized over and over and blah blah blah. So we were back to the way things were.

Then I had my baby and I realized even more what a lazy sack of shit Beast was. How do you pawn off your child so much? It hit me even harder when I became a mother.

Kiddo came to me one day saying that a new boyfriend had spent the night and he didn't like it. It scared him. I asked him if he told his mother and he said yes. She told him to "get over it." I didn't say anything for a week or so. Then one day I mentioned it to her that he had said something about it and it bothered him. She laughed (she has a LOUD obnoxious laugh) and said, "He has a big mouth!" That was it. Really.

Things are going along, Kiddo is unhappy and cries when he has to go back to her house. He always wants to stay with us. He is in love with his baby sister and doesn't want to leave her. It's precious really. He sees how I am with her and he tells me quite often, "I wish you were my mommy..." It breaks my heart. All I can say is, "Me too, buddy."

Now we're almost up to speed. I'm sure I've left out quite a bit, but I can always come back later and talk about it.

The last 5 boyfriends: R: he was married while they were dating. He was in the process of getting divorced. He had no job and lived in a trailer. They were in loooove.
C: he had a job, but his truck was broken down, so he stayed with Beast so she could cart him around everywhere. Another one was a cook at a restaurant and chain smoked and always looked like he rolled out of a dumpster. Another was "the love of (her) life" and they went camping on July 4th of this year. Guess what the sleeping arrangements were? Beast and boyfriend in 1 tent. Beast's sister, her boyfriend, sister's 3 kids, and Kiddo were in the other tent. TACKY!!!

Since this is so long, I'll post later about how I went all Jerry Springer on her. :)